Though the abortion debate is never far from political rhetoric, ELLE magazine recently featured an article that explores a much less debated but no less controversial aspect of reproductive rights—paternal responsibility.
The piece profiles Greg Bruell and his ex-girlfriend, Sandra Hedrick, who formed a pact during their relationship to terminate any unwanted pregnancies. Both agreed their lives were not stable enough to raise a child.
When Hedrick became pregnant and decided to keep the baby, Bruell ended the relationship because he felt deceived, believing she became pregnant on purpose. When Hedrick sued Bruell for child support, Bruell sought the help of Mel Feit, president of the National Center for Men.
As portrayed in ELLE, Bruell does not have any kind of irrational hatred for children. In fact, he has two children by his ex-wife—children for whom he quit his job as a software executive and became a stay-at-home dad. These children were part of the reason he did not want more children—he wanted to make sure he could give them enough time and attention.
Bruell’s main problem with his situation is that he does not feel he should be forced by the government to pay to support a child he never wanted. He is apparently not alone. Mel Feit has represented other men in similar situations, as outlined in the article.
This is a side of the reproductive rights debate we seldom see discussed. We have made great strides over the last half-century regarding granting women complete control over their bodies and sexuality, but in doing so, have we been leaving men behind?
As awful and crazy as it sounds, there are women out there who become pregnant on purpose without telling their partners. Who insist they are taking birth control when they have stopped or, as in a case cited by ELLE, claim to be infertile when they are not. Should a man who impregnates a woman essentially against his will be forced to then pay to support the child? It could be argued that the man should pay for this consequence of agreeing to have sex without making absolutely sure that proper birth control was in place. As Feit tells ELLE, however:
“This reasoning is ironically similar to that often used against women’s reproductive rights: Abortion encourages sexual promiscuity and irresponsibility; the right of the fetus should override a woman’s right to terminate a pregnancy that could’ve been avoided with birth control; women should have to suffer the consequences of their sexual dalliances.”
This is a sensitive and complicated subject without a clear cut answer. Forcing a woman to terminate a pregnancy because the father does not want a child or, vice versa, forcing a woman to carry a child because the father does want it is out of the question. But a man having no control over a fetus that is technically half “his” also seems unfair.
We often emphasize that men and women should play equal parts in child-rearing but according to our current laws, men essentially can claim no rights over a child until it is born. How are men to feel empowered as fathers if they have no power and apparently no legal standing throughout the pregnancy?
In the ELLE article, NYU’s dean of social sciences Dalton Conley discusses a 2005
New York Times article in which he recounted “how angry he’d been in his twenties when a former girlfriend chose to abort a child he’d wanted.” Should that situation be any less heartbreaking than when a man tries to convince a woman to get an unwanted abortion?
At the moment, it seems as though there is no easy solution to this predicament. But though we may not currently have an answer, this ELLE feature reminds us that the complications associated with reproductive rights reach far beyond pro-life vs. pro-choice. —Shea Connelly