How to Handle Your Relationship's Spring Breakup
The arrival of spring never fails to revive the human spirit with a promise of warmer, longer days, and brighter horizons. It's also when a lot of people get dumped. According to a Facebook survey created to track “relationship status” activity on the social networking site, a significant spike in breakups during the weeks leading up to the vernal equinox is not uncommon.
Some speculate this jump in numbers is a result of post-Valentine's Day disillusion, while others argue the impending renewal of the season entices some couples to seek newer and seemingly better relationships. Regardless of the reason, if you're not on the selective end of the decision, the only “break” on your hands this spring could be the one in your heart. Fortunately, dating expert and hookup guru Lori Cheek – founder of dating and social networking site Cheek'd.com – is here to help clear the air about breaking up, moving on, and how to recognize when getting the heave ho is the best thing that could ever have happened.
When To Call It Quits
A weekend with your partner's parents may seem like reason enough to go splitsville, but try to keep things in perspective. There are those obvious signs in truly toxic relationships – infidelity; abuse – that should send you running, but knowing when to exit an innocuous yet erroneous partnership isn't always so simple. “There are definite signs to watch for,” says Cheek, “such as lack of passion, communication, trust and support. She adds, “discovering legitimate reasons for ending your relationship is the first step to severing it, but then again it’s easy to misconstrue the signs, so reacting immediately may result in ending a perfectly healthy and solvable partnership.” Cheek's tenet for knowing when to leave: “When the relationship is causing you more stress than is giving you fulfillment, it could be time to cut the cord.”
How to Pull the Plug
If you're the one doing the deed, you may be overwhelmed with guilt and uncertainty over ending things. According to Cheek, there's only one rule you must abide by. “An email or a text used to deliver the “breakup” message is beyond unacceptable. Unless you’re living in different continents, you owe your future-ex a face-to-face delivery.”
Maintain this digital-free practice post-breakup, as well. Adds Cheek, “Cyberspace makes removing strings with someone virtually impossible, so when it’s actually time to make the break, the softest and most respectful way to do so is to keep it offline.”
Moving Forward
Trudging through the trauma of a breakup has become increasingly difficult in the digital age. “Digital dating & break-up etiquette is currently pretty vague, but I highly recommend breaking all ties until you feel you’ve moved on,” advises Cheek. “There should be a mutual agreement about removing one another from your social media platforms to avoid any steps backwards for both of you.” Cheek suggests using more personal tactics to help move forward. “breaking up should be viewed as a positive, a new beginning and a very exciting opportunity. I recommend staying extremely busy and trying to surround yourself with positive, fun and caring people. You have nothing to lose except an opportunity."
And if you're still tempted by the occasional “creep” session on Twitter or Facebook, don't hesitate to download a plugin to help keep your ex in the digital netherworld. After all, sweeping the pieces of your past into the relationship dustbin may be the best spring cleaning you ever do for yourself.
[Pic via Flickr - Ed Yourdon]
