The CIA Wants to Control the Weather (But NOT in a Conspiracy Theory Way)

Hey clouds, better watch your back. You too, wind. No more messing around. Oh, you think you're special, big bad sun? The Central Intelligence Agency is after you as well. The weather, it seems, is about to be regulated. The CIA — in a show of colossal idiocy and ego — is actively researching how to control the Earth's weather. And while we admire its attempt, we can't help but react by saying "You know you can't do that, right?"

What the CIA is trying to do is slow down Global Warming, because it is now (rightfully so) recognized as an official threat to the world. According to a report titled "Worldwide Threat Assessment of the US Intelligence Community," that was presented to the Senate last March by James Clapper, the Director of National Intelligence, "Destruction can be invisible, latent, and progressive. We now monitor shifts in human geography, climate, disease, and competition for natural resources because they fuel tensions and conflicts. Local events that might seem irrelevant are more likely to affect US national security in accelerated time frames."

This is all true. The environment can be used as a weapon, and enemies could easily attack our water systems and cause all sorts of issues. And so the CIA, along with the National Air and Space Administration, the National Academy of Sciences, and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, are trying to figure out how to harness the weather to their benefit. The technical term is "geoengineering."

This is basically the altering of the world to change the weather. And yes, it's as crazy as it sounds. At a government conference, Lowell Wood, a physicist who specializes in climate change, proposed one geoengineering idea to slow down the melting of the ice caps: Erupt a volcano so that the particles released would reflect the suns rays away from the ice.

"[Woods' plan is] based on the idea, well-proven by atmospheric scientists, that volcano eruptions alter the climate for months by loading the skies with tiny particles that act as mini-reflectors, shading out sunlight and cooling the Earth. Why not apply the same principles to saving the Arctic? Getting the particles into the stratosphere wouldn't be a problem – you could generate them easily enough by burning sulfur, then dumping the particles out of high-flying 747s, spraying them into the sky with long hoses or even shooting them up there with naval artillery. They'd be invisible to the naked eye, Wood argued, and harmless to the environment."

Of course Woods' plan was never implemented because it's slightly insane. And the same goes for trying to control the weather. The fact that the CIA is even behind research for such a thing is borderline hilarious. But they have to do something, because Global Warming is a real problem and there aren't many solutions. Aside from regulating corporations and the amount of pollution they create and installing stiff recycling policies that punish offenders. But hey, we realize telling companies and people to be environmentally responsible is pretty crazy too.

[Pic via Flickr - Kim Hill]