Worried About the Zombie Apocalypse? Move to Canada
Are you fearful that sometime soon you'll be seeking refuge from the undead hordes? Then, you best head on over to Canada, where Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird is personally committed to ensuring the safety of all living humans when the zombie apocalypse hits.
“Canada will never be a safe haven for zombies,” Baird announced in Canada’s House of Commons. “I want to assure this member and all Canadians that I am personally dead-icated to ensuring that this never happens.”
The somewhat odd exchange took place after one Parliament member asked Baird whether Canada is working with the United States to protect citizens from zombies.
“I don’t need to tell you, Mr. Speaker, that zombies don’t recognize borders,” explained member Pat Martin. “And that a zombie invasion in the United States can easily turn into a continent-wide pandemic if it is not contained.”
Okay, yeah so this was just a bit of lighthearted fun in the Canadian legislature, but we're pretty sure it's the first time that the possibility of an undead invasion has been mentioned in ANY "official" capacity by anyone so high up in government (Also, the zombie apocalypse is expected to begin in the US? Crap.). It’s not an entirely far-fetched assumption, what with that whole bath salts situation, the CDC’s decision to post a list of advice on what to do when the apocalypse strikes, and that whole government exercise featuring zombies that occurred at a counter-terrorism summit last year.
Although the CDC claims that zombies don’t exist, let’s be real: You’d start crying for your mommy if you turned on the news to find that the dead are rising from their graves... Even if did turn out to be a hoax.
Non-existence aside, people can still prepare on their own. Gun-friendly Americans can shoot at practice zombie targets with special anti-zombie ammunition. Alternately, in UK and Australia there's a trend of people organizing games similar in nature to laser tag — Only crawling with the undead, and infinitely more terrifying.
So, let’s not mock the folks who are taking all of this stuff seriously. If the dead ever decide they’d like to come back for some late-night brain food, those are the people you’ll definitely want covering your butt.
Well, them and Sheriff Rick Grimes, obviously.
[Pic via Flickr - Digital Sextant]
