The Bachelorette: Episode Five
Spoiler alert! Chad’s gone. Where will the show go from here? I guess we can focus on what the show’s about: two people falling madly in love who get engaged and then have their break-up publicized in all the trashy magazines two months later.
Chad’s departure was a pivoting moment in this season’s Bachelorette. The guys not only celebrated, they freaking CELEBRATED! They held a farewell ceremony with Chad’s protein powder, sang, danced, and ended the celebration popping party poppers and bottles of champagne. I wonder if Chad’s leaving was hard on them? It wasn’t evident. Peace out, Chad. Oh, if you have some time, check out Chad's appearance on Jimmy Kimmel!
"The guys held a farewell ceremony with Chad’s protein powder, sang, danced, and popped champagne. I wonder if Chad’s leaving was hard on them? It wasn’t evident. Peace out, Chad."
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At the rose ceremony, Jojo gave Daniel and James F. (Boxing Club owner) the boot. She kept EVAN? I don’t know why Evan annoys me, but he does. I think it’s his swept bangs. But the best part of the night was Daniel’s goodbye speech. “The chance of her falling for me … I’ve got a better chance of getting struck by lightning while ... you know … shhh-shaving my face.” I can’t. We need more Danielisms.
"I’ve got a better chance of getting struck by lightning while... you know... shhh-shaving my face."
So the guys and gal are in Uruguay, the show has gone international! The first date is a one-on-one date and Jojo picked Jordan. Let’s face it, he’s going to win this show, I mean, her heart. As soon as Jordan leaves for his date the rest of the guys start trash talking him and began to question Jojo’s actions. Have we found a new guy to love to hate?? Is it Jordan?
Then there are the magazines. Vinny just happened to have a few gossip magazines laying around and surprise-surprise, the main article is about Jojo’s ex-boyfriend. No, not ex-Bachelor Ben Higgins, her ex is some regular dude named Chad. Not Chad-Chad who just got kicked off the show, some other Chad. Chad “spoke” to the media about her real intentions as The Bachelorette and proclaimed that she’s really in love with him and that they were secretly dating the whole time she was a contestant on The Bachelor. After reading the article the guys are now worried about Jojo’s true intentions and start to wonder if they’re wasting their time there. Really, guys? Free vacation, suck it up!
The Tabloid Trap
Jojo’s ex-boyfriend (also named Chad) claimed in a magazine that she was still in love with him while filming. While Jojo addressed the guys with her "cry-voice" to clear the air, the drama served as a reminder that the past always finds a way into the mansion.
During their one-on-one date, Jojo’s conversation with Jordan about his past was pretty awkward. She was told by his ex-girlfriend (because, y’know, she’s friends with her and they “run with the same people”) that he was a horrible person and a cheater. He admitted to being a dick but that he’s not a cheater and then he rambled on about something his pastor once told him but I tuned out. Whatever it was, that was all Jojo needed to not “feel so scared anymore”. (Eyeroll) The date ends with Jojo telling the camera, “This could be the start of the most perfect love story.” KILL ME.
The Front-Runner Watch
Jordan Rodgers remains the clear favorite despite "awkward" conversations about his past. Jojo’s declaration that this is the "start of the most perfect love story" suggests the other guys are fighting for second place.
Jojo was given the magazines I mentioned earlier during a confessional. She skimmed the article, appeared shocked, and then fake-cried into the camera for what felt like hours. She was yelling and appeared upset but there were no tears. After a while, she wiped her dry tears and headed to the guys’ hotel room, her guys. Using her cry-voice, Jojo explained to the guys how crazy her ex is and that she’s really there for the right reasons … to find a husband. The air has been cleared and the guys believe that she’s really there to fall in love. The show must go on!
At the group date Jojo made out with half of the guys and then gave the group-date rose to Derek (John Krasinski look-alike). Alex (short marine guy) is pissed.
The latest drama surrounds few of the guys having beef with Derek, mainly Alex. They think Derek isn’t confidant enough to be there and that he needs constant reassurance from Jojo. Alex needs to just STFU and stop whining. You’re in Uruguay, eating and living lavishly (on ABC’s dime), so just have fun and try to win Jojo’s heart! But then again, keep bitching, Alex, it’s fun to watch.
In the end, Jojo sent Evan, Grant, and Vinny home which were all pretty predictable choices. Her front runner is clearly Jordan, with Luke and maybe even Robby close behind. Oh, Robby was the first guy to tell Jojo that he’s in love with her. Too soon? Nah.
